Resolute Resolutions

I know it’s clichéd, but what is New Year’s without resolutions? Why, it’s like Batman without Robin, Yogi Bear without Boo Boo, the Kardashians without silicone. Hence, it is without shame or remorse that I present my 2014 New Year’s resolutions (appropriate for all horseplayers):

1)   I promise not to throw all of my money into exotic wagers and thereby receive nothing when a longshot I like wins and I don’t have the horses underneath.

2)  I will only wager on OVERLAYS. (Some of you may want to take a printout of this one and tape it to your computer screens… or foreheads, whichever gets the point across. I went the forehead route.)

3)  I will be ever vigilant in my hunt for value, making sure that I check each wagering pool for inefficiencies that I can exploit.

4)  In 2014, I will only wager when there is a compelling reason to do so (see point #2)… ah, who am I kidding? That’s like asking Miley Cyrus not to stick out her tongue. OK, let’s try it this way: I will only wager significant amounts when there is a compelling reason to do so.

5)  I will strive to keep my emotions in check during the upcoming year, understanding that a bad day at the windows is as much a part of the game as a good day. Should I ever forget this fundamental fact and begin to wager irrationally in a vain attempt to “get even,” I will jab myself in the eye with my foam “twerking” finger until I get the message.

6)   I will quit complaining about the sport. This one is for everybody. Frankly, I’m sick and tired of hearing about what is wrong with racing. I learned early on that if you look for something hard enough — good or bad — chances are you will find it (gold, the Fountain of Youth or a moment of serenity on the “Maury Show” excluded).

7)   I will take at least one “newbie” to the track or OTB parlor this year. I will regret it later when they hit a huge exacta keying “the gray horse with the funny name” to the horse whose “jockey won the last race.”

8)   I will treat my wagering capital like it is real — not Monopoly money that I can throw around on a whim because “I’m due for a big hit.”

9)   I will have a wagering PLAN. I will bet a set amount of my capital on qualified plays and will not vary my plan based on a race or series of races.

10) I will not be sucked into silly Facebook arguments about Peyton Manning’s playoff record. I know, this is off topic, but I need to put it out there before the Broncos lose 84-77 and someone says, “Manning choked.”